I may have chopped off all of my hair ...

As in, I have eight (8!) fewer inches of hair.  It's called an inverted bob.  Agox thinks I'm adorable.  I think I look like a mom (which is not something I aspire to be for many, many years).  This is not helped by the fact that, upon telling my mother, she said "Oh, I just got my hair cut that way!"  In two weeks, I'm sure we'll look like twins at my cousin's wedding.  Hooray! <sarcasm>

I'm trying to fall in love with it.  I think I'm going to play with headbands and hairclips at Target later.  I might even try wearing it curly tomorrow--a dangerous experiment on a day I have to work  (although, with no subjects coming in, I could call in sick if it turns out really badly...). On the flip side, maybe it will actually curl properly now that it's not weighed down.

Running without a hair tie should be interesting.

Bellydance

Back in May, when I graduated college, I had this idea that I would become a whole new person.  It's the same idea I had when I started college, and also when I started high school, and probably when I changed middle schools before 8th grade.  I'd be a whole new popular me--no more awkward conversation starters, no more eating lunch alone, and no more baggy shirts ...except I'd always wind up being the same me.  Wait, that whole "wishing I were someone else" should probably be a post all it's own ...

When I graduated college and started my dream nightmare job, I realized that I suddenly had about 72 extra hours in the week.  I had taken up running my junior year of college (and subsequently lost 50 lbs), but I had always hated weight lifting.  In an effort to get more exercise, I decided to try my hand at belly dancing.  1 class a week turned into 2, which turned into 3, which turned into me signing up to perform in the studio show.  My performance is next week.  Wish me luck.

Since I've started belly dancing, I've watched myself progress both physically and emotionally.  I've seen how it's changed my body.  I can see a faint definition of abs under my fat (I need to lose about 50 lbs more), and my biceps and triceps are toned (yes, I have experienced the elusive tricep toning).  I've become more confident, and I'm even willing to wear a mid-drift baring shirt in class.  I've also developed a pipe dream that I'll become a semi-professional belly dancer.

Yes, me.  The one that aspires to be a nurse practitioner.  The pragmatic one that dutifully pays her student loans, then pays extra to the principle because she's trying to become debt-free. The one that NEVER (ok occasionally) wears make-up.  Me.  I want to be a semi-professional belly dancer.

I'm not sure where this dream will take me.  I know I'm dedicated enough that I continue to spend money on classes--month that could go toward the aforementioned student loans--and not mind too much.  And buy belly dance gear. And go watch belly dance performances.  I know I'm willing to perform, mid-drift bared, in front of an audience.  I aspire to make the troupe at my studio, and once there, try to get both teaching and restaurant dancing gigs.  I even practice at home.

 In a way, it's so not me to want to do this.  I never had crazy dreams.  I make pros and cons lists, and make educated decisions.  I'm so pragmatic it hurts.  Which is, maybe, why this little pipe dream is so much fun.

Maybe, just maybe, I'm becoming a different person after all.

I've got to admit it's getting better ...

When I first decided to write this blog, I was hoping to document my young adult experience of being poor and working in a dream job. That went to hell in a handbasket after about 3 weeks.

As it turned out, I was in a pretty bad place. My boyfriend, Agox, and I rented a house we fell in love with waaaay outside of the city, which stretched my already tight budget. On top of that, my "dream job" turned out to be a nightmare. I came home crying most days, and I was desperate to get out. Then, the "dream rental" burned down while we were out one night, so we returned to a smoke-filled house and a dead cat.

Since then, life has gotten a lot better. We moved to a new rental in the city that was much closer to our jobs. I also transferred positions within my company, and as a result got a pay raise and a new, much nicer boss in an area that's much more interesting to me (psychiatry). After an appropriate healing period, I adopted a new rescue kitty, Abigail, AKA The Grey Lady. Life is finally starting to level out.

I'm also making new plans for the future. After years of trying to make my family happy at my own expense, I've decided to pursue what I want: nursing. Specifically, being a psychiatric nurse practitioner. This will involve going back to school part-time to complete prerequisites, and then full-time to get my second degree, but I think it will be worth it. Agox and I want to travel, to see the world, and nursing will give me the money, the flexibility, and the mobility to do that.

I decided to revisit the old blog, and start anew. I'll probably write about some of the period between my college graduation and now, but this will mostly be my musings, political learnings, new experiences, my progress toward nursing school, and links to science articles that I find interesting.

When I first started this blog, I kept asking myself "what the hell did I sign myself up for?" I guess the answer is life. Here's my journey.